A Letter To My First Born

A mother will always say how much she loves each one of her children, which is totally the truth, but another truth is, your first born will hold a special place. This first baby of yours is what made you a mother. All of your trials and errors and even your accomplishments as a mother were made with your first born. You pushed yourself and made it through and are probably more prepared for your second then you ever were the first time around. 

So with that being said here’s a letter to you.

To the little boy that made me a mom,

You have truly showed me what unconditional love really means. Loving and caring for someone that cries, screams, bites, pukes, pees, and poops on you is a whole different kind of love.

Going into labor with you and giving birth was one of the scariest and happiest days of my life. I was a scared 23 year old, knowing nothing about babies, and yet here I was getting ready to have one of my own. I was tired, nervous, and terrified of the whole birthing process. Not truly knowing what to expect. I made it 10cm and was ready to push but I was so tired it took me 45 mins. Out you came and they laid you straight on my chest and I just remember holding you and crying. I did it! I brought you into this world! We were both exhausted from the experience we just endured but we did it!

I remember bringing you home from the hospital and being so scared. Your tiny little body, laying on mine, just wanting me to wrap my arms around you and snuggle you while you were sleeping. The first week was a real roller coaster. I hardly slept because I was so scared. I would lay my hand on you to make sure you were still breathing. We really struggled to nurse and I couldn’t wait for you to fall asleep because that meant I could sleep…but I never did. I laid there with you just starring at your beautiful face. I would think over and over, I MADE THAT.  You came from me. How incredible is it, that my body made you!

We spent exactly 1 year and 10 months together, just you and I! You learned things about me and I you! We had lots and lots of dates just  the two of us. We got to do a lot together in the short amount of time it was just us. Seeing you become a big brother though was one of the most special times for me. You were so sweet with Knox, always wanting to hold and kiss him. You would check on him and were such a big help bringing me diapers and changing his clothes.  Seeing you become a big brother for a second time was something else too. You just love little babies and couldn’t wait to get your little hands on Kaizer either. Even to this day you just lay there with him holding and kissing him!

Watching you grow over the past four years has been a real blessing. You’ve learned so much and are always amazing me with the things you understand and how smart you are. You talk very well for almost being four that people always ask me if you’re older then what you are.  You make me proud at some of the things you’ve accomplished in your short 4 years of life.

Over the past four years I’ve learned

You have a very tender heart and you don’t like disappointing people.

You are very stubborn though. I wonder where you get it from! haha

Sometimes you can be very cautious and aware of your surroundings which is great for how young you are.

You and your dad are twinsies!!!!

I’m so excited for this new year with you! You’ll officially be starting preschool. I know you’re excited because you can’t stop talking about all of the friends you’re going to make!

I love you big boy! Happy 4th Birthday!

In case you missed it:

Kellans Birth Story
A Letter To My Second Born

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