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Never Say These 5 Things To A New Mom

Have you lost all the baby weight yet? 

10 times out 10 after you have a baby you still look like you’re pregnant. Just because the baby came out doesn’t mean all of the weight did too.  It took nine months to grow the baby and they say it takes nine months to take it off.  And for the record, nursing a baby turns you into a ravenous beast. I can pretty much eat double my weight in food. So that’s not really helping me drop the weight either.

 

You look tired!

How do I put this…DUH! You tell me if you’d be tired when you have a newborn baby that wakes up every couple of hours for them to suck on your nipples. I’ve come to terms that I’m going to be tired for the next 18 years of my life raising these kids. I’ve got the gray hair to prove it already. I’m getting tired just thinking about it all.  

 

 

When are you going to have another baby?

I don’t know if you noticed this or not but I just birthed this whole human out of my body last week. In no way, shape, or form am I letting that guy over there near me, let alone thinking about having another baby come out of my body.  For the record we’re not having another baby!

 

Remember to sleep when baby sleeps.

Yeah if only it was that easy. This is how it goes after baby falls asleep…
Ok I need to hurry and pump.
So I’m done pumping now, I need to clean all of this up for the next time I feed him it’s ready to go.
Man, all of that nursing and I’m starving now.

I better hurry and make a sandwich.
Shoot!
I only have an hour left before he probably wakes up again to eat.
So and so text me and should probably text them back. 
*Scroll through Facebook*
What I have about 15 minutes lefts!! 
I’ll just shut my eyes for a little and he’ll wake me up.
-2 minutes later-
Looks like next time he’s asleep I’ll sleep too.

Annnnd I still have two other kids to take care of, a house to maintain, and these hungry little rugrats that pretty much like to eat every hour on the hour. 

 

Hey are you home? Can I stop by?

Um, sure. As long as you don’t mind seeing me with my panties on that are two sizes too big, my girdle, and boobs hooked up to a breast pump or they’re just out while I’m feeding the baby and sorry I don’t cover up. Just so you know, I don’t want to get up and get dressed so I’ll just be wearing my robe.  Yes, I haven’t showered or brushed my hair in a few days. Yes, that probably is spit up on my couch. Sorry about the mess but you’re the one that wanted to stop by. 

 

Can you relate to any of these?!

 

 

 

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2 Comments

  • Reply Julie Hood

    HAHA erin these are hilarious and sooooo true!!!! People must really have no idea because I’ve heard so many of these too. Especially the “sleep when baby sleeps!” advice which is 100% infeasible, even if it’s your first kid. (Oh, I finally get to set the sleeping newborn down? Yeah, that means I’ll be showering for the first time in who knows and making food and no, i cant just instantly fall asleep like the baby can!)

    September 12, 2017 at 10:22 am
    • Reply Hey Erin Nicole

      Right!? haha it’s always easier said then done! My older two kids always wanted me to hold them to sleep and I always felt like how the heck am I supposed to do anything if I’m holding you all day.

      September 14, 2017 at 9:05 pm

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