Having a baby is one of the scariest, most exciting, and best things that’s ever happened to me. It’s something a lot of women look forward to. Me, I never really knew that I wanted to be mom until I became one. Having kids wasn’t something I saw myself doing. Now that I am mom, almost 3x over, it’s something I wouldn’t trade for the world.
Do my kids test my patience, sure.
And do they make me want to hide in the bathroom sometimes for a minute of peace and quite, absolutely!
But when they learn something new for the first time, and want to cuddle with you, and wrap their tiny little arms around your neck and give you the sweetest kisses it makes you forget about all of the chaos that happened before that moment.
As we keep creeping up on this babies arrival I keep getting more and more nervous. I can’t help but wonder if I’m going to be a good enough mom to THREE little boys.
We’ve had a rough couple weeks to say the least. Like I mean one of those weeks were I’m asking myself..
“What am I even doing? And how am I supposed to add a new baby into this mix?”
You know those weeks, when you’re so hard on yourself as a mom, wife, daughter, or sister. When you feel like you’re so exhausted not just physically but mentally and everything feels like it keeps piling up on your shoulders. You feel like you’re not good enough or you should be doing better. Yeah that’s me right now!
I’ve cried a whole lot recently just beating myself up left and right about everything. That I’m not good enough to be a mom to these boys. Some days I feel like I just can’t do this mom gig anymore because it stresses me out. The boys are always fighting with each other. The words stop hitting your brother is uttered from my lips more times then I can keep track of. I pick up the same toys over and over every.single.day. I find myself yelling a lot more and losing my patience with everyone. I keep telling myself this isn’t the mom I want to be and I’m going to work on it. I just can’t help but feel disappointed in myself and ashamed that I let myself act this way.
But at the end of the night when I put my kids to bed, they remind me that they don’t see what I am seeing. They don’t see the hot mess express that I’m on, or that I haven’t cleaned the kitchen up from dinner, and that their laundry still isn’t put away. They don’t care that all three of us are still in our pjs from the night before. They see me cuddling with them while watching a movie, and reading their favorite Brown Bear What Do You See book for the 100th time that day, or that I laid in bed and asked them about their favorite part of the day and we talk about the adventures we’re going to go on tomorrow.
They remind me that I am good enough to be their mom and despite every single one of my shortcomings in life, that they love me regardless. The unconditional love that we have for each other is what makes these rough weeks that we have, not seem so bad. Tomorrow is a new day and fresh start mama.
I can’t tell if it’s hormones or what but between being 8 months pregnant, Knox cutting four molars in 3 weeks, and Kellan doing who knows what, I’m ready for a HUGE glass of wine.